playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
