He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
