I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
