We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
