can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
