P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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