i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
