So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
