i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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