Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
