how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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