Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
