There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
