honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
