that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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