barbara walters just said penis...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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