there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
