Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
