Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i love accidental penises.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
