it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Randomize
