Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
