I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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