if i can run in heels then i can drive
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
