i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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