then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Randomize
