The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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