I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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