Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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