best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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