i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
