So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
