I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
