Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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