oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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