I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
