i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
