Define "chronic" masturbator.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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