put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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