That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
