I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
