There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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