I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
