I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm too high and old for this...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
