I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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