I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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