you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
