you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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