i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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