nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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