so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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