dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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