I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
