grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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