There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My pussy is not your playground.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
