Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
