my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
